no more waiting Its about freakin time... I needed to get a 860 on my SAT to go to Hope in the spring ya I got a 1090. Considering I havent touched math in two years and I havent been in a class in that long either I did awesome. Im just bummed that I didnt take them in high school I would have had like a 1400 or better. I knew so much more back then. But Im twenty and I know a lot of other things now that will help me actually finish college oh and do well so I guess there is a reason. Oh and there is hope and the end of the tunnel I dont have to live in mikey freaky wallgreens. I have more of a future then that yay. Im so happy right now I cant sleep but I need to but I cant so I think Im gonna work out till I cant do anything but sleep. Ok Well Freaking yay.

So I got a ticket on monday and well its not so bad. there is actually a lot of good to come out of it. Ok so maybe Im crazy but this is what I figured out. First that I wont make a dangerous U-turn in that intersection again. . . Im there all the time. Second is that I am in the perfect place to start bugetting my money and if I dont I go to jail. So rock on go spending wisely. Ya so anyway that is the quick update... Oh and on a side dish I got a date while working yesterday pretty crazy detials to come. ---it is one of thouse Chill have a good time date things. I like to go on them there fun and no presure so pretty awesome. I just hangout get to know them and they get to know me. . .yay dating to date. Ok no real deep thoughts right now im working to much to have time to think about anything other then well working. Oh and for thouse of you keeping track this is not that awesome girl who some of you may or may not know about. but most probably not and Ill keep it that way. Awesome girl if you read this you know who you are...Lets go to dinner some freakin time yo. Jack in the box you know... ok maybe a little nicer Ill buy. Come on do it. Wow ok Im done

So Im not an Emo kind of guy but Dashboard Confessional has a song which is virtually a sound track to me right now. The places that you have come to fear the most... it is all about a facade not working... (The words)buried deep as you can dig in side yourself and cover with a perfect shell. . . but your barely scraping by. . . well this is one time that you Cant fake it hard enough please . . . everyone or anyone. . .at all.
Ok so its out there by now for the most part. I messed up I slandered someone to a girl he liked. Now not that I deserve trust because I don’t, I destroyed a friendship. Or in this case, many (even though most people who are bothered by what I have done arent even effected by this.) However what I don’t get is that its not even a pattern but then again it is.
So here I am exposed in probably the best standing that I have been in, in quite a while with Jesus because hey I realize Im way more evil then I thought and ya God still loves me and he hasn’t quit on me even if everyone else does. I have to set my value in how God sees me because I have damaged everything else (little over board however it will get out the right people know in Long Beach I will soon be alone here void of friends this time I pissed off someone popular not high school either) Ok that fine I don’t care do what ever I don’t care there is nothing to lose, I will serve people no matter where I have to go to do it. I don’t know its not like I have too much respect to lose out on anyway at least not in Long Beach, Im gross and un trust worthy worth. Ok But Jesus still died for me.
Im perfectly ok with being seen as a gossiper because well I am. Its not ok but I did it. I own it.

On a new note so this is grace. . .contempt. I must have missed that part in the bible that says, contempt is forgiveness... however that is something I learned from this to. That this guy cant even look at me... and has said quote that "I will never be trusted again" but he wants me to know that he has forgiven me "that we may never again talk" but Im forgiven. May I then pose this simple question what the Hell is forgiveness???? and what is the point if that is all it is to feel good??? If all forgiveness is, is this moral thing that says I don’t hate so I can feel good about my self well then, Im going to hell I mean that really. Because I deserve hell and if it doesn’t effect the person who has the right to damn by causing them to overlook wrong that someone has done then I am going to hell.
That is such a weak view of forgiveness, I don’t want to ever forgive that way. It sucks for both people... I would rather not forgive and let that person face the consequences because at least that isn’t a lie and they can deal with. But saying that you forgive then ignoring the actions that complement it, is just cruel it really is. I deserve it but it sucks. So if my wife is killed and the murderer is repentant then I either help him Get on death row or probation. If I don’t forgive death Row, if I do probation. If he is repentant. Which I am in this case so pick one not both it is either or. You cant forgive and be contempt full and eaten’ up by it. No one is going to read this but I needed to say it. Oh and for those keeping track God actually took it a step further he took me off of death row by placing himself on it for me. That is forgiveness.
Be kind and compassionate to one and other forgiving each other as in Christ, God forgave you.

This may or may not make sense but I don’t care...above is a picture of two kids in Kenya a country afflicted with aids. Ill get to that but remember it, that is the image of hope in a land of death.

Ok so I am getting really irritated with Christians equating voting for bush and the Godly vote... I think every single Political party is now edging on being evil through and through. Allow me to explain...Republicans want to protect the tax payers from poverty... it is all about America and people in other nations will die because of it. . . Democrats are into giving freedoms that will kill unborn but they are at least on the surface wanting to help other countries. Republicans in the long run will protect our tax payers so much, that they will protect, other countries into death...While Democrats will Kill some in our own country under the gueiz of freedom. I really don’t think either one is holy or the Godly vote.

Africa is the land of Kids with out parents a place where getting to that age of 30 is close to a miracle. . . it is a place where governments don’t have money and it is a place America is only helping because of rock superstars like Bono of U2. What about the rest of the world... I think we should run our country into the ground to be loving...not that it would ever happen but... wouldn’t it be amazing if it did. That would be the guy to vote for, were it Gods choice any questions read Deuteronomy ... The guy to vote for would say were scaling everything back ten percent and there will be no poor in our nation... oh and every seven years all debt is cancelled oh and ya as of now no more debt if you had it your out... oh and once a week the country stops completely everything every store no one works. Ya that is the guy that would be awesome... out of the abundance that we had...countries get the help we still would have an army but it would stand up and fight evil (i.e. Saudi Arabia with out fear). Seems like we would die and it makes no sense but that would be the guy.

I heard statements yesterday such as you better vote for Bush because Kerry is a homo lover baby killer... So what??? I mean really So what. . . God is bigger then our government and Christianity was and is more effective when the church is persecuted. We need to get over it. I don’t care if our government made it a capital offence to be a Jesus follower its fine I would still be one... My God died for me. It matters not. Homosexuals are people who matter to God still...there wrong if there acting on it but God still loves them. Jesus still wants to know them. . .Ok so maybe im a little extreme but Ill deal with that tommrow... Feel free to comment. . .

It doesn’t mean Ill change my mind but it doesn’t mean I wont.

Road Trip =http://img61.photobucket.com/...%20trips/photo42.jpg

=http://img61.photobucket.com/...%20trips/photo49.jpg

This is my buddy colin making a phone call he went with me. Ok he is the reason why the journey happened

=http://img61.photobucket.com/...%20trips/photo84.jpg

This is me at lauguna beach... It is a drive but so worth it.

=http://img61.photobucket.com/...%20trips/Wave.jpg

Ok so this picture was taken as I pondered the sheer power of what I was looking at. The wave here was proablly six feet high. It was nuts.

=http://img61.photobucket.com/...%20trips/photo28.jpg=http://img61.photobucket.com/...%20trips/photo29.jpg Ok yes these are back to back photos...Its kinda funny that I got pulled over last night...didnt get a ticket or anything at all but it is a little ironic. Anyway youve seen the experiance.

Oh I need caffiene before I am really able to think